My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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