I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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