i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
