Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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