Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
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