A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
