why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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