It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
