I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
