I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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