why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
