Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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