You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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