Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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