I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
