I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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