How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Slut skills are useful in every country.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
