You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
