I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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