I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
