Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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