Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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