I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
