just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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