I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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