i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
you have to choose: penises or morals?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
