guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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