It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
