Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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