Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
