When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
