you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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