So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
