we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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