Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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