I hope mine doesn't look like that
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
