I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
