let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
