Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
