I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
