Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Randomize
