Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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