How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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