I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
