He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
