I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
