I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
