just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
