I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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