I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
